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Seishun Satsubatsu Ron

Recently, I had this strange dream. In the dream, I realised that I was right in the middle of a dense forest which didn't feel realistic. In fact, the only thing that was realistic would be my wavering consciousness. Yet I was still able to carry myself for a considerable distance. It was around this time that a familiar voice called out to me. That voice sounded pleasant, calm, cheeky, embarrassed, pissed off, patronising...Koro-sensei?!!? Before any words could slip out of my mouth, I was whisked away at Mach 20 to Class 3-E of Kunugigaoka Junior High School. Now, this may sound really twisted, but I'm rather fond of Koro-sensei. I mean, just what are the odds of having a gigantic yellow octopus as a teacher? And Koro-sensei is simply the charmer. Anyway, it seemed like there was no homeroom and such for Class 3-E. The desks and chairs were stacked away neatly at the back of the classroom. Koro-sensei's perpetual grin looked over the largely expressionless students. I merely stood beside it feeling quite baffled by the situation. Suddenly, a portable music player appeared from nowhere. The students got into formation, and then...

♪ Seishun Satsubatsu Ron! The largely expressionless students were now smiling and grooving to the opening theme song of Assassination Classroom. The formation then shifted slightly, bringing the spotlight onto Class 3-E Utatan consisting of Nagisa, Kayano (Kaede), Karuma, Isogai and Maehara. The remaining students continued to dance in the background whereas for Koro-sensei its effortless movements around the classroom spruced up an otherwise confined setting for an upbeat number. I watched the performance in sheer awe, for all of that still felt unbelievable. I was supposed to be in a dream. I could sense the strong vibration charging towards my feet. Koro-sensei tapped me on the shoulder and produced a mountainous kakigori from nowhere. Apparently, interacting with Koro-sensei would require mainly a lot of imagination. While I had no official obligation to assassinate it, the idea of perishing alongside many others should Koro-sensei eventually destroy the rest of Earth made me shudder. Anyway, Koro-sensei rattled on about the scheming chairman of Kunugigaoka, calling him a *beep* (I didn't realise that octopuses had their own curse words) and such. I was very close to its face, and I was very certain that it had swiftly turned a shade of black.

"How's the kakigori, Fluffysheep-kun?"
"It was delicious, Koro-sensei!"
"Excellent! I shall make us some hot tea now..."
Barely a second later...
"Excuse me, Fluffysheep-kun, but the staff room is out of tea leaves. Let me go buy some..."
Barely a second later...
"Nuuuwaaa!! Karuma-kun, that's Sensei's wallet!! Hand it over now!!"
Karuma was prancing about happily (?) with the microphone. Oh yeah, I forgot that he was part of the Utatan. Koro-sensei was literally fuming at Karuma with its face all red and steamy. How did it know that Karuma had stolen its wallet?
"If you would excuse me now, Fluffysheep-kun, I have an item to perform as well..."
Eh? Koro-sensei was going to perform too?

♪ NuruNuru Rap by MC-KORO is the coupling song of the Seishun Satsubatsu Ron single. 'Nuru nuru' is an onomatopoeia which means 'slippery'. The lyrics reflect Koro-sensei's interactions with the students of Class 3-E and such. In the rap, Koro-sensei begins homeroom with its usual greeting. The events are mostly comical and straight off the series, making the song a lot more identifiable with fans. Unfortunately, the lyrics aren't included in the booklet for NuruNuru Rap, so it would take a really sharp ear and quick processing of the Japanese language to get Koro-sensei's rendition. Ah yes, so that was why Koro-sensei was fuming over Karuma snatching away its wallet...

I don't quite remember what happened after that. However, I knew that my earphones were plugged in, and both songs played in turn over the music player. Oh, there was also the aftertaste of the strawberry syrup in the kakigori which Koro-sensei had treated me...

Eccentrically Yours.

Written by J.Fluffysheep ♪

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